Every time I do something, I never see the good…I always see the mistakes.

I don’t go to my Gallery shows because the thought of people looking at my work for longer than 2 seconds bothers me. 

Thats because when I look at my work, I see the flaws, the shoulda woulda couldas, and it makes me so unhappy. I feel like maybe if I would have seen this or that…it could have changed  this or that.

Then I started drawing with pen, so I would stop erasing everything I did, and learn to cover up my mistakes and work with them to make the picture a lot better. I still am never satisfied but its a whole lot better than drawing in pencil. 

With pen, everyone thinks you are perfect because they see no mistakes, and they know you can’t erase soo…obviously, if the picture looks good then u made no flaws. WRONG! but no one listens when I correct them.

There is something wrong with me. You’d think that since I’m paranoid that people would notice my flaws, I’d be happy if they thought I had none.. but no

I hate when people look at my work and say OOO its so good…I want to punch them in the kidneys..

cause It makes me feel even worse. Like why can’t you see all the bad things that I see?

Why don’t you see the uneven strokes and the bad composition…and if you do see it…why aren’t you telling me?

What else are you not telling me about?

so then all the thoughts just get too much and then I just get rid of the picture.

Or I stop looking at it, and I stop liking it because of the stress it gives me.

The thing is that I hate my art, but I physically and emotionally can’t stop drawing. I just can’t.

I have no control over the matter.

There is something wrong with me.