Is it better to have loved and lost,

than to have never loved at all?

all, the heart break and cries I swear I would trade it all.

Cause if I never met you, I would have never let you

rip me open, rape my emotions inside

then decide to just leave me broken,

toss my spirit aside.

And I cried so much without showing my tears,

I was an empty shell that associated love with fear.

And now my memories are tainted sour apple green with envy,

when I see you with others, and my heart won’t let me.

move on, move on, move the hell on cause you,

single-handedly created grey skies from blue.

and whats worse is that you ended it the way it began,

guided me with soft words while holding my hand.

So I can’t even call you foul and I know it sounds wrong,

but that Hate that I loved you, and I HATE that you’re gone.

and it’s that hate that makes me hate those that try to pursue.

cause every niggas just a nigga, if that nigga aint you.

Like OOOOHHH my gooossshh my nails,

I think I just broke my nail,

stuff like this never fails.

I paid forty bucks to get these done yesterday,

and “O baby I’m sorry” is all he had to say.

He didn’t even notice them before they broke,

like….he didn’t even notice.

He could’ve have at least pretended to be all stoked,

but…he didn’t even notice before they broke.

Last week I got brand new weave,

brand new, Brazilian weave!

and he pulled some stuff you can’t even believe,

this nigga said “aye you dyed your hair it looks nice”

I almost slapped his punk ass twice.

Dyed? DYED? only thing thats bout to die is you!

can’t you see these wefts are brand new!

Brand spankin new, and I spent my money nigga!

just so he wouldn’t say I was some gold digger,

tryna spin him for his cash and his dollas,

u know all men think they ballin..even if they work at Mcdonald’s.

and yes I understand he’s a man, they all are daft,

but he seems to notice all these girls when they act all fast.

He noticed ol girl on Tv when he changed her hair,

but when I do it, he doesn’t seem to care.

When Beyonce changed her nails he said they looked “sexy”,

but he didn’t notice mine and he’s right next to me.

So of course I’ma be mad,

cause he notices things about the girls he wishes he had.

When some dime piece at school changes the perfume she wearing,

he drops his mouth, drools, and can’t stop staring.

but me, I’m just normal, I’m just me,

I’m the girl that he can’t see.

He loves me, but he just loves to have me around,

to do his laundry, cook, clean then put it down.

cause I aint shit right I aint shit!

so I gotta do shit, to mean shit!

I mean I don’t even like weave, it itches.

but average girls like me gotta compete with them otha worldly bitches.

they don’t have pores, and they’re whores, and they all got rhythm

I played my grandpa on Just Dance and couldn’t catch up with him.

And I can’t leave him cause it took forever to get him,

So when he treats me bad I just let him.

So when I nag and complain its not cause Im over reacting,

I just want him to notice, thats all I’m asking.

and when I see him texting and lookin at her and her,

I just put my head down and I don’t say a word.

I’m just trippin right, its what guys do,

“eventually he’ll come around”, “he loves you”

thats what I tell myself at night before bed,

to get all those sad thoughts out of my head.

he loves me, he loves me, he’ll come around..

let me check when them new Chanel boots are comin out.

If I were to sit here and tell you about faith,

you’d think I was a fake.

like if I didn’t walk through the same path,

with the same people or share the same laughs

as you, I wasn’t being real. Yo forget that.

Cause I aint at the same bible study or church,

saying “God loves me so much it hurts”,

then I’m not going to heaven or anywhere in life?

Who told you that everything you think is right?

Who told you that you’re perfect and u aint wrong?

cause you at church singing the lyrics to a gospel song?

or cause when you have sex you pray for redemption?

or cause u know psalms it means you’re beyond correction?

No, you judging me is still a sin,

you judging me means you don’t get to win.

Cause I might not be at church everyday gettin my church swag on,

and even though I don’t club, I might wanna put some high heels on,

without fingers being pointed, judging me.

acting like having fun makes me any less holy.

Cause I talk to God everyday and he listens,

talk to him everyday and God aint trippin.

God doesn’t trip when I defend myself to earn respect,

God doesn’t trip when I don’t answer my sisters calls when she calls collect..

God doesn’t trip when I curse my accident,

God doesn’t trip when some days I act trifilin,

he doesn’t trip yo,

He doesn’t trip cause I get blankets when I’m cold,

I have friends to talk to me when I’m lonely,

I have my mother to hold me and console me,

so if I was such a bad person God wouldn’t provide,

God wouldn’t listen to me or guide.

He knows our relationship, not you..

You have no idea what the hell me and God do,

We could be court side chillin at a lakers game for all you know,

We could be stranded at an airport outside of Chicago.

You can judge me by what you see but you’re still blind

you can rally the world to stand against me and that’s fine.

cause when I go home after a horrible day,

I get on my knees and no, I don’t pray.

I talk to God ,cause you know we straight homies and all,

tell him bout my day and whoever is involved,

ask him to forgive them and all their sins,

and when I’m done, I ask him to forgive again.

I don’t pray for myself, cause God awwwreeaddy kno,

to forgive me the moment my knees hit that flo!

cause If I wasn’t sorry I’d avoid him, I’d run away..

kinda when ur principal calls your mom after a bad day.

No, I think I’ll go out, and I’ll try to make it to church, I will.

if I do or don’t…you’ll keep judging me still… 

and I’ll keep doing the things that I do…

cause only one person can judge me…and I don’t think its you.

Michelangelo’s first real painting was the Sistine Chapel, the others were mere portraits and most of them are disputed by scholars. He was a famous SCULPTOR, and when commissioned to do the Sistine Chapel, there are many diary entries that state he was clueless on how to paint a large fresco, having had apprentice painters do most of his small paintings, and mostly copying other paintings . Though he was an apprentice painter he showed more interest and skill in sculpting. 

Davinci was actually first thought to do the Sistine Chapel, but was seen as risky and haphazard. It was actually the rival painter Raphael who convinced the Pope to let Michelangelo do the Sistine because he wanted him to fail KNOWING that painting was not his medium. 

In my description of Janelle I said she was my first painting “watercolor splatters dont count” before sistine all Michelangelo did was basically watter splatters seeing as frescoes were the major form of painting around that time.

So to clarify yes…yes it was his first painting that isn’t disputed or amateur in technique….and NO…he was NOT a famous painter he was a famous Sculptor so please pick up as many biographies as you can, as well as Renaissance painting books. 

:))

Every time I do something, I never see the good…I always see the mistakes.

I don’t go to my Gallery shows because the thought of people looking at my work for longer than 2 seconds bothers me. 

Thats because when I look at my work, I see the flaws, the shoulda woulda couldas, and it makes me so unhappy. I feel like maybe if I would have seen this or that…it could have changed  this or that.

Then I started drawing with pen, so I would stop erasing everything I did, and learn to cover up my mistakes and work with them to make the picture a lot better. I still am never satisfied but its a whole lot better than drawing in pencil. 

With pen, everyone thinks you are perfect because they see no mistakes, and they know you can’t erase soo…obviously, if the picture looks good then u made no flaws. WRONG! but no one listens when I correct them.

There is something wrong with me. You’d think that since I’m paranoid that people would notice my flaws, I’d be happy if they thought I had none.. but no

I hate when people look at my work and say OOO its so good…I want to punch them in the kidneys..

cause It makes me feel even worse. Like why can’t you see all the bad things that I see?

Why don’t you see the uneven strokes and the bad composition…and if you do see it…why aren’t you telling me?

What else are you not telling me about?

so then all the thoughts just get too much and then I just get rid of the picture.

Or I stop looking at it, and I stop liking it because of the stress it gives me.

The thing is that I hate my art, but I physically and emotionally can’t stop drawing. I just can’t.

I have no control over the matter.

There is something wrong with me.